


Bringing Him Back

by InkstainedGwyn



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Depression, Happy Ending, I promise, M/M, This is kind of dark, but I didn't want to tag it as such, but the ending is good, since Souji won't accept that, some spoilers for the true ending, there is also the suggestion of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 09:46:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkstainedGwyn/pseuds/InkstainedGwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Yosuke knocks you away from Izanami, Yomi consumes him - and he doesn't return. You're not going to accept this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bringing Him Back

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so, wow. I don't even know where this came from, it slammed me this morning and I had to write it all out. It's not my usual style, and it's dark until the ending. There's angst and some pretty bad moments, but I promise it's got a happy ending. It's not even a bittersweet happy ending, don't trust the insinuations. Everybody comes out of this happy and alive.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](https://ohlookashinysquirrel.tumblr.com) if you want to poke at me.

_“Why are you here?”_

You don’t know your name, you don’t know where you are. You have a vague sense of _searching_ , looking for something, _seeking_ , but for what? You don’t know.

Hallway turns into room, room turns into hallway. Shapes of red and black float nebulously around you; the fog is everywhere, and you can only see a few feet before and behind you. You think you hear lapping water that’s always just out of reach. It’s familiar and alien all at once, but you don’t have time to really _think_ about it, you never do; the shadows are on you, and you fight them off. It’s an endless cycle. 

What is this weapon in your hand? You don’t know it. Why do you know how to fight? You don’t know. You just can, as if it’s something you’ve always known how to do. You also keep going forward; it’s the only thing you _do_ know. You’re searching. 

_“But, pray tell, for what?”_

The silvery voice echoes overhead; it no longer surprises you. Nor does it surprise you that it knows your thoughts. You don’t answer it, you never have; it bothers you that you can’t, but you _can’t_ , and arguing would serve no purpose. You don’t even know if you can talk; you never have before.

It doesn’t matter. You keep going, foot in front of the other, sometimes running, sometimes stopping to peer down long, clouded hallways. You sense that it doesn’t matter what you pick, but you weigh the choice anyway, as if _choosing_ somehow gives you an edge here. 

Somehow, you suspect it doesn’t. _Choice_ isn’t the key you need. What is? 

You wish you knew.

* * *

You’ve just stepped into a room when everything goes white; you can’t breathe, you’re swimming through water that’s not just water, and suddenly you’re laying back on a grassy surface. A pale, unhappy face looms above you; it’s Kanji. That’s right, he’s the one who came with you today.

It’s been a week since you fought Izanami, a week since you won. It’s also been a week since Yosuke sacrificed himself to buy you time, knocking you aside as the god’s death spell consumed him, not you. Even as he went down, dissolving into nothingness, you saw him smile - _at least it’s not you;_ he never said the words, but you heard them anyway. 

It’s been a week since you let that fuel you, breaking through Izanami's defenses and ultimately sending her back into the darkness where she belonged; when the fog cleared, however, and you found yourself standing side-by-side with your friends, you realized he hadn’t returned. 

Yosuke was _gone_.

It’s been a week since, somehow, you managed to convince your parents and uncle to let you stay; you know what you said, but it’s not important, what’s important is that it worked. You can’t leave Inaba. You can’t go anywhere, not without Yosuke. 

The first day, you sat in your room, motionless. The second day, you made a _choice_. You would go back, you would find him, and you would do anything you needed to bring him back. You shared this with your friends - perhaps not in so many words, as you’re just their _leader_ , and you’re doing it because you’re the _leader;_ Yosuke was your _partner_ , your _best friend_ , one of the _group_. Of course you’re concerned. You've never admitted otherwise; not to them, not to yourself, not even to _him_. 

It’s been a little less than a week since the first time you went back to the Shadow World - now a beautiful vista whose sunlight barely touches you - to search. You had Teddie lead you to the place where you once set off in search of Izanami; far away you found it, a mist-laden valley with mysterious torii and dark, foreboding water - not _evil_ , but serious, sacred. Touching it sent a jolt through you. 

You waded into the water.

That was the first time you went, and it lasted barely a minute before you found yourself lying back on the same grassy embankment that’s now so familiar to you; everyone had terrified looks on their faces, and when you coughed a bit and sat up, Rise started to cry.

“Senpai!” 

You looked around; even Naoto was shaken. “As soon as you stepped into the water, you collapsed. You looked like a marionette whose strings had been cut.”

“I found it,” you told them. “I’m going back in.”

* * *

It took time to convince them, time to understand your limits, time to realize that no matter your intentions here, you were a blank slate in _there_ , devoid of everything except the will to _seek_ , remembering only when you returned - not that there was much to remember about Yomi beyond shadows, mist, and silence. It didn’t change anything, nor did you tell the others; you just worked with them to figure out how long they’d let you stay each day before forcing you back into the real world.

It’s been a week, and _missing him_ hurts so badly you can barely breathe; when you’re not in Yomi you’re at home, staring at the wall, trying not to think, trying not to worry Nanako.

* * *

Another day.

It’s time to leave; when you get up to move to your bedroom door, you realize the others are there, though you never heard them enter. Chie steps forward.

“ _Why?_ ” Her hands gesture, helplessly. “Why do you keep doing this?”

“Because I’m the lead-”

“ _Bullshit_.” A simple word, but it’s so familiarly _Yosuke’s_ \- the word he used every time you were working yourself up (or down) - that it knocks the wind out of you to hear it, even when Kanji is the one saying it, not your partner. “Senpai - Souji - if that’s your reason, it’s piss-poor. You’re _our_ leader, too. You’re Nanako’s bro, Dojima-san’s nephew. Do you even know if this is gonna bring Yosuke-senpai back? This isn’t a fairy tale, you can’t just bring people back to life.”

“I-” You barely manage the word through grit teeth; your hands are balled into fists and it feels like the whole world - the universe - is pressing down onto a single point in your chest. Kanji’s right. “I’m the leader” is a shitty excuse for something you’ve been fighting not to say this whole time; at first you were scared, then it didn’t matter because Yosuke loved you either way and his warmth was always there, you never told him because it was enough for him to be partners, then you were leaving, so you didn’t dare… and now that you don’t have to leave, what does it matter to say it if Yosuke’s not here? Except it does. You realize that, now. 

“I love him.” The words feel like you’re pushing them out through the waters of Yomi. You know it’d be easier to say _loved_ , nothing would stop you then, but “love” - present tense - is an indication that you haven’t given up. Can’t give up. _Won’t_ give up. “I’m the leader” says you’d do this for anybody, but everybody knows that you’d sacrifice the world just to bring _him_ back again.

“We know that, dumbass.” Chie frowns, they all frown, but the atmosphere has lightened, somehow, _miraculously_ , even if nobody’s happy, and you realize with a pang just how much they care. About you, about him.

“We never found a body,” you continue, haltingly. “And I can’t sleep and I can’t eat and I don’t want to move and nothing feels right and nothing makes sense without him here.” There’s more, so much more - your spirit is withered, half your soul is gone, it’s so hard to breathe when everything everywhere sounds, smells, feels, _tastes_ like him - you’d never kissed, but somehow, _somehow_ , you know what it’s like, as if it’s carved across your entire being. Yosuke wasn’t just your reason for living - you two were born to be _together_. You know it. You _can’t_ say these things, though. “Teddie came back,” you finish, lamely, your hands falling from whatever gesture you were trying to make. 

“Teddie came back after... two days,” Yukiko says. Her face is sad, and you don’t want to see that face, you don’t _want_ to make them suffer, you love them too, just not… not like _him_. “And it wasn’t the same at all. I think… I think Yosuke-kun can’t. And I think you can’t, either. I’m sorry, Souji-kun.”

They’re right, _they’re right_ , you know they are, but you can’t give up. 

“I-”

“ _Souji_.” Chie shakes her head. You see them all - Naoto and Rise haven’t said anything, but they’re there, you hear Teddie downstairs with Nanako, likely to keep her out of a conversation far too deep for even her mature little soul. You see their faces, their desperation, and you can read the words as if they were written plainly - _we lost him already, don’t let us lose you, too_.

There’s going to have to be an end, you know you can’t do this for the rest of your life, even though you might want to. If you’re going to live in the real world, you have to _live_ in it, and this isn’t living.

 _Dammit_.

Clenching your fists again, you look down. “One last time,” you say. 

There are sighs of relief, but you look up, a determined light in your eyes. “With one caveat. You have to let me stay as long as I need to this time.”

“Souji-kun!” Yukiko’s voice is sharp; she’s frightened. You are too, but you’re also determined.

“Agreed.” Naoto has been watching you, watching everything; you never would have expected her to come out on your side, but you’re grateful for whatever brought it on. “We won’t stop you this time, and in return, it’s the last time you go in.”

You nod, grateful not to have to say anything. Nobody, after all, wants to hear you say that if you have to _live_ in it to live in the real world, you’d rather not do either.

* * *

One last time, you step into the water; as always, breathing the waters of Yomi is terrifying, pushing through the darkness is arduous, but this time there’s an undercurrent of insistence, a vague memory that plucks at the edge of your consciousness. 

You hit the hallways running. You don’t know what you’re searching for, but you _do_ ; there’s an echo in your heart, a resonance, and this time you slice through shadows without even stopping. You reach hallways, turn and continue, without making a choice. You’re done choosing, done waiting, done lingering. 

_“Why are you here?”_ The silvery voice - your only companion - sounds as amused as ever.

“To bring him back.” Your words are rusty, they feel like you’re pushing them out through the waters you braved to get here, but you don’t care. Your voice sounds unnatural in the silence, and is swallowed up nearly immediately by the fog, but you don’t care.

 _“Aha, you finally have a purpose.”_ The voice doesn’t seem bothered; that’s either a good thing or a bad thing. _“Good luck.”_

You don’t think about it; either way, it’s not going to stop you.

* * *

Continuing on, you don’t know how long it’s been; it might have been minutes, hours, weeks. You’re crossing a long, empty stretch of passage when suddenly something hits you, something invisible, and you choke. It’s momentary, but when you’re done, you find you’ve coughed up black water. You get a very bad feeling.

 _“Ah.”_ The voice is back. _“Your body is drowning.”_

You look around, confused; you’re standing, breathing.

_“No. Your real body.”_

Ah. A shudder of terror runs through you. 

It doesn’t change your intentions - but you’d rather see Yosuke in this life, not the next, so you continue to run.

* * *

It’s another long while before you have to stop and cough again; this time it’s worse, there’s more water, but you just square your shoulders and keep on. The shadows are fewer now, and the hallways are longer; you’ve not seen another room for a long time, and you only hope this means you’re going in the right direction. You don’t dare think about what it means if you’re not.

The coughing is more frequent as you get to the stairs. They’re the first stairs you’ve seen in this place - that you remember, at least. As you stare up them - thousands of stairs edged by thousands of torii - you cough again. 

Your head spins. It’s worse.

You start to ascend.

Eventually, between the coughing and the climbing, you have no breath to breathe, no time to think; instinct has taken over, instinct and the indomitable will to _succeed_.

Not even to live, not anymore. Just to win.

* * *

You’re on your hands and knees by the time you reach the top. There’s a door in front of you, and unlike the others, it doesn’t open when you approach. You can barely stand, but the fact that the door is shut helps you; it gives you purchase to pull yourself up, hold yourself steady.

You cough again. Something tells you it’s not just water, but you don’t look. 

Somehow, somehow, you don’t even know how, you get the door open. The room inside is so foggy that you can’t see anything, but you don’t care. 

When you walk inside, you see a shadow.

It’s not a shadow like the ones you’ve been fighting. It looks like a person, perhaps; a silhouette of someone standing between you and the sun. You reach out, but before you can move, you drop to your knees. The coughing won’t stop. 

_“You’re dying, you know.”_ The silvery voice - you have barely enough presence of mind to realize that it’s _not_ coming from the figure before you - sounds matter-of-fact. Perhaps this is why it wasn’t worried.

You don’t care. Forcing yourself to your feet, you stagger forward, grabbing the figure.

“Partner?” The voice thrums through your soul, and even as you feel your consciousness slipping, slipping into black water, you kiss him.

* * *

“Ohhh my god _whaaat?_ ” Chie’s voice snaps you out of it, and you look around, dazed. You’re in Yomi, but this is not the Yomi of mists and black water, it’s the place that you fought Izanami. 

Izanami, who lies behind you, gasping her last breaths. She smiles.

“Children of man, well done.” The words are the same as before, as is the silvery voice, but somehow you know she’s speaking to you alone as much as to the group as a whole.

You kneel on the floor; this, too, is the same. Around you, your friends stand or sit or kneel, all in various stages of exhaustion. 

This is also the same.

Yosuke is on his back on the floor in front of you, half prone, half propped up on his elbows. His cheeks are red, and the look on his face is one of naked adoration and relief.

This is _not_ the same.

You realize you kissed him, you feel it on your lips, you see it in his smile, and your friends all look shocked - happy and excited, but shocked. Chie stands the closest, hence the exclamation.

You look back at Yosuke, and you realize that you don’t care about waiting any more. You’re here, he’s here, you’re not drowning, and you know the words you’ll need to use to convince your uncle and parents to let you stay in Inaba. Everything’s perfect.

You lean over and kiss him again, and he responds, and you almost miss Izanami’s speech. 

Not that you care, you’ve heard it before. Yosuke hasn’t, though, so you climb to your feet, offer him a hand up, and pull him to you. You’re never going to let him go again. This doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest.

* * *

The shadow world transforms into a beautiful vista whose sunlight warms your soul. You realize that no one knows what happened; even _you_ wonder if it was just a dream, although a glimpse of mysterious torii far off in the distance whispers to you that it was not.

The others don’t need to know. Yosuke should; it concerns him, and he needs to know the truth - not just about the slip in time, but about your feelings. You’ll tell him, some day. Right now, you just want to hold him.

He has no complaints.

“I love you, Yosuke.”

“I love you, too, Souji.”

**Author's Note:**

>  **torii** \- a traditional Japanese gate, or archway, usually found at the entrance to (or within) Shinto shrines. Often painted orange, some shrines feature hundreds of torii in rows (such as at Fushimi Inari-Taisha, the main _Inari_ shrine in Japan)


End file.
